warriorsfanficfandomcom-20200213-history
Talk:FirexSpotted- What could of happened/@comment-24.57.204.29-20130316171046
Highledge? This is in the old Territory near the old Forest, not by the lake. In the old Forest, the summoning rock was called Highrock, not Highledge. Firestar uses the Highledge in The Lake. Bluestar should of said "Don't worry, they're just not used to this." not "don't worry, there just not used to this." There are tWO things wrong with this sentence. Can you guess? Well, the first letter of the sentence, d, didn't start with a capital, and there is a typo. Their is spelled as there. Who's there? I think you meant their. Also, this is not a issue nor a error, but the summoning is wrong, its actually "Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highrock (or Highledge) for a Clan meeting!'' but this is a Fan Fiction so you can change everything however much you want. I would of prefered yowled instead of meowed, but that's my opinion. The comma between battles and and should be next to battles and battles should be spaced, but the comma is in between battles and and and (fail) battles should be spaced. Kittypet should be capitalized, it is capitalized in the books and the Warriors Wiki. "Bluestar continued over the gasp's and the murmur's". Murmur's? It should be murmurs. Who is murmur? What does he look what? Murmur's what? What does he have? Also, Longtail sneered twice in a rose, that snooty snob! (lol) It looks kinda awkward. For example: "I like pie!" Diana yowled "I like kitties!" Diana yowled. See, it looks kinda weird? Lol its a weird sentence in general don't judge. But see how yowled is used twice? That takes away the specialness of the word, if you know what I mean. It sounds awkward and I think you should try to avoid this. Rusty stared at Bluestar with worry, Lionheart blinked at Longtail and whispered to Rusty, Whoa. Another comma. There should be a period after worry, not a comma. Comma indicates a continuation of the sentence. But after worry, the sentence was finished. This sounds weird, doesn't it? Here's another example: I looked at Tom, David jumped. (Fail sentence LOL) Doesn't that sound weird? Shouldn't there have been a period after Tom, not a comma? POOR TOM. "are you going to just stand there like a fool, or are you going to teach him a lesson?" Okay. Another sentence that does not begin with a capital. a should be a capital A. Not a small letter A. Remember to always use a capital when starting a sentence. The. First. Letter. Should. Always. Be. A. Capital. I think there are some exceptions for this, but I've forgot them in my huge nerdy brain (x_x) Rusty jumped down from the highledge and snarled "say it to my face!" Ah. The h in highledge should be capitalized and be a capital H. Matter of fact, it should be Highrock. But this is a Fan Fiction. Highledge is capitalized in the Warrior Series. So is Highrock. Also, I think there should be a comma after snarled, remember to space the "say it to my face!" through. Also, in "say it to my face!" The first letter of the sentence should be capitalized. The s should be capitalized. Capital S. So it should be, Rusty jumped down from Highrock and snarled, "Say it to my face!" "so you have some bravery?" Heh, snooty Longtail again. Since you probably know this and are probably frowning at my simpleness of explaining this that a turtle from Year 1 could understand, I am not going to be so simple. The sentence should be, "So you have some bravery?" Otherwise its pretty short currently but it isn't a issue or a error (Can't wait for it to be continued) I enjoyed it! I hope I helped you become a awesome and better Author. I really like this and hope you were not offended by my Comment as I was trying to help you not offend you and hope you continue this! I apologize for the length! Goodbye! Sorry for any typos, errors or other issues!